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Quest Journal

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CHARACTER 
  • Mary

AGE
  • Old enough to buy beer

XP
  •  Pitiful

RACE
  • Human (just)

CLASS
  • Still trying to figure that out

APPAREL
  • Glasses (Intelligence +5; Moshing -20)
  • Boots (Endurance +20; IN SEVERE DISREPAIR)

EQUIPMENT
  • iPod (Whimsy +10; IN SEVERE DISREPAIR)

ACTIVE QUESTS
  • Tomb Raider II retrospective
  • Catherine review
  • Various GodisaGeek bits
  • Clean kitchen
  • Finish novel

I could have progressed with any number of these this evening, but I didn't, I did this:


No, they didn't have shorts. Or a backpack. Or glasses. Or boots without heels. Or fingerless gloves. Really the only bit that actually looks like Lara Croft is the hair. It's almost as if Disney Princesses aren't meant to do anything other than get rescued.

I made her hold the crown so it looks like she stole it from a tomb, but she still looks pretty lame.

If you want to make your own Disney Princess for some reason, the tool is here.

Feminism, Objectification, Tomb Raider: E3, The Verdict

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Yesterday, I posted a picture of Lara Croft as a Disney Princess. I made the picture because someone on Facebook posted a link to the Disney Princess Creation tool (how old am I, 12? Well, at least it wasn't MySpace) and I was tired, so I whiled away a few minutes trying to make a Disney version of myself. When I realised the tool didn't have glasses (because there's no such thing as a myopic princess, apparently), I moved on to Lara, at which point I discovered the tool didn't even have the kind of clothes that would facilitate going outside, let alone go adventuring.

Lara Croft as a Disney Princess, apparently.

Little did I know how relevant it would turn out to be once I finally got round to catching up on all the Tomb Raider coverage from E3. Not since Lara Croft first emerged in her short shorts has the series attracted so much feminist ire (here, here, here, etc). So even though the Well-Rendered High Horse died long ago from malnutrition and neglect, I'm going to exhume its corpse and flog it a little as I try and determine why this is, and whether it's a bad thing for the series.

Now would be a good point to mention what finally prompted me to sit down and watch the E3 coverage properly. This morning, someone said to me that he found it interesting that despite countless references to the ways in which Lara Croft appeals to woman, she has always been designed to appeal to men, and that even though she's now far less cartoonish than she was in the 90s, that's because men are now looking for a deeper and more interesting character.

Lara Croft from the first Tomb Raider (2013) trailer.

Now, I can't remember the precise wording of the statement, and I may have large bits of it completely wrong, but that doesn't matter because a) I'm not attributing it to anyone and b) I'm simply using it as a way into my discussion of the new Tomb Raider footage.

You see, the statement annoyed me, greatly. And whenever I get annoyed, I always try to ask myself why, because failing to examine the reasons things upset you eventually leads to fundamentalism or, worse, humourlessness.

So let's unpick my reaction to that statement. Gosh, aren't you glad you decided to read Well-Rendered instead of going outside!

Why does being told that Lara Croft is designed for men irritate me? What's wrong with that? As a percentage, most players of single-player AAA action games are male, and although the Tomb Raider series has an unusually large percentage of female gamers for this kind of series (I don't have the number, but check out the fansites for an overview), most of the people likely to buy are still men, so it makes commercial sense to market the game at them. Marketing is largely about identifying your demographics and acting accordingly.

Classic Lara.
So I suppose I don't find the statement irritating in itself. It's just that because it was about Tomb Raider, something I feel strongly about, I took it to its illogical conclusion and heard the implication that Tomb Raider is a male fantasy, and that as a woman who plays the games, I'm buying into it.

But even if that was what was said, why would that be offensive? Why shouldn't a male fantasy also appeal to women? Are all male fantasies automatically derogatory to women? I'm pretty sure that the powerful, unpredictable, independence that 19-year old Toby Gard found so appealing in his most famous creation is just what drew so many women (like myself) not just towards Tomb Raider, but towards gaming as a whole, and I can't see what's wrong with that

Even if you are of the opinion that the main reason Tomb Raider is appealing is because it stars a posh explorer with big tits, is there a reason why women shouldn't want a part of that? Should a woman feel guilty - anti-feminist, retrogressive - about enjoying becoming such a character?

The Lara I wanted to be.

And is there any reason for said woman to feel enraged if someone says they do?

Not really. Tomb Raider fans should get enraged if someone suggests that its a bad series that's only successful because of Lara's rack, just as a Deadly Premonition fan should fight to defend that game against anyone who says it's just a budget knock-off of Alan Wake, but they shouldn't get upset when someone dares suggest that their tastes overlap with those of a teenage boy.

It only becomes a problem when the character is being wholly objectified. I say wholly because I don't think anyone, real or fictional, who makes it into the public eye isn't objectified to some degree, whether it's a genuinely talented singer being styled to within an inch of her life, or a middle-aged author being made to look handsomely world-weary in his inner-book jacket photo (remind me again why we need those?). There's a world of difference between wanting to be Lara Croft because she looks sexy while she's being independent, and wanting to be Britney Spears (circa 2000) because everyone wants a piece of her helpless yet inviting body.

The "Virtually Yours" poster from around the time of Tomb Raider II , which I've always heartily disliked.

Which is what brings me to the second half of the statement - does this "deeper and more interesting character" that's now meant to appeal to men involve being objectified in the worst way?

If you're a Tomb Raider fan who's been on another planet for the last week, or a Well-Rendered fan who's trudged through yet another Tomb Raider rant because it's raining outside, here's a quick summary. In their "Crossroads" trailer for the upcoming Tomb Raider reboot, Crystal Dynamics feature a scene that shows Lara defending herself from what looks like potential sexual assault by killing her assailant.


For those of you only interested in the controversial bit, it starts at 2:21.

As if this alone wasn't incendiary enough, Crystal Dynamics Executive Producer Ron Rosenberg said in an interview with Kotaku that Lara's enemies "try to rape her", a statement later contradicted by a much more official statement by Crystal Dynamics Studio Head Darrell Gallagher.

Look, it's so official it's got its own graphic.


Now, I understand why Crystal felt the need to produce this second statement, just as I understand their decision to include the offending scene in the trailer in the first place. Sexual assault is an extremely difficult topic to address, and a reboot of a major action video game franchise is perhaps not the place to do it. It seems like damage control following a hastily-made statement from someone who was tired from days of interviews.

If you read the statement carefully, you'll see that they never quite deny that the assailant was planning to rape Lara, of which I'm glad, because it's hard to imagine what else he was planning from the video, and the studio shouldn't have to backtrack if they've written a story with narrative integrity. I also don't think there's anything inherently wrong with writing a story which involves sexual assault as a major plot point or catalyst, and it's only because game development is such a lengthy process that potential customers need to be updated every six months that we're even discussing it. Let's not forget that no-one's actually played the game yet, so blasting the developers for an insensitive portrayal of sexual assault is premature.

Though it sounds unbelievably insensitive (or just downright offensive) when taken out of context, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with Rosenberg saying that the episode turns Lara "...into a cornered animal. And that's a huge step in her evolution: she's either forced to fight back or die and that's what we're showing today".

(That said, "evolution" is probably not the best word he could have used in this context, but since it was uttered in a spoken interview, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and assume he meant "character arc".)



Anyway, why don't I find the premise offensive? I would if Lara was being punished for the way she dressed or acted. From all anyone's seen of the game, it seems Lara is threatened, and rather than submit, she defends herself with violence. It's not the place of video games, or entertainment in general, to moralise, represent the way human beings should behave, or tell stories of healthy redemption. It's not comfortable, but it seems unfair that a video game depicting self-defence is roundly criticised where films that feature women perpetrating violence as an act of revenge following sexual assault (Thelma & Louise, Kill Bill) are given the benefit of the doubt.

It seems unfair, that is, until you read Rosenberg's suggestion that "when people play Lara, they don't really project themselves into the character, [...] they're more like 'I want to protect her'".

Oh dear. Suggesting that people would rather protect (infantilise, disempower) your female character than embody her is at best the act of a man sorely in need of PR lessons, at worst an example of appalling mysogyny.

Or is it? I heartily disagree with the idea that people don't want to become Lara, certainly. My feminist hackles rise at the very suggestion that motivation in a video game that stars a female protagonist comes from the desire to protect the wilting flower. But then I question myself and realise that when I played the wonderful Limbo, every death made me guilty for not protecting the small child I was controlling, and I desperately wanted to save him from the hostile world.


So although Rosenburg's suggestion is crassly reductive and politically incorrect, I'm not sure it doesn't have a grain of truth to it. Young Lara's vulnerability is striking not just in contrast to the way the character looked in 1996, but also in the context of game characters as a whole, at least outside the survival horror genre. Many people, myself included, would want a young girl like that to escape her terrible situation, and whether that's because we're looking at the situation for a first-person or a third-person perspective, it's still a solid premise for a story.

Specifically, for a Tomb Raider story.

Yes, we've finally got to the point of the article! Congratulations if you made it this far!

When the first gameplay details and videos surfaced, I thought Tomb Raider sounded pretty, well, lame. Heavy on plot, scripted action sequences and NPCs, I thought the game looked like it was trying to appeal to current trends rather than just be Tomb Raider. Gaming does not need another cinematic action yarn, I thought. Tomb Raider is going to be compared to Uncharted anyway, so why make it easier for people to write it off by trying to do the things Uncharted does better than any other game, ever?

The fact that there will reportedly be fewer puzzles in this game (link forthcoming! I always try to cite my sources, but I've lost this one) also concerned me. To me, the game's always been about puzzles and exploring, and turning away from one of those for the sake of action and story just seemed like the series was shooting itself in the foot. Who does large physical puzzles better than Tomb Raider?


I think the best Lara Croft game of the last ten years has been Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light, an ingenious isometric puzzle-platformer with incredibly tactile and satisfying puzzles for both one and two players. If Crystal Dynamics are that good at gameplay and level design, I thought, why not use those skills to make a AAA Tomb Raider game?

Then I realised, they have. It was called Tomb Raider: Underworld and it was underwhelming. Besides, if they can get all their brilliant platforming ideas into a little downloadable title, wouldn't they have to spread them a bit thin to get a full-length release?


With that in mind, what's left for Tomb Raider? If Crystal have got puzzle-platforming down to a fine art in arcade form, and Nathan Drake's got big-budget adventuring all wrapped up, what's an archaeologist-adventurer to do?

The answer is either retire gracefully, or take a risk. And even though I'm still a bit skeptical about how it will turn out, I really can't begrudge my favourite explorer and her current custodians for doing the latter. It might not work out, it might be a feminist nightmare of disempowerment, it might be an underwhelming, poorly-executed "cinematic" action game that's about as thrilling as all the other superhero "origin" stories Hollywood insists on churning out. That's "not at all", in case you were wondering.

Or it might be great. It just might. It might not be the game we grew up with, but it may forge its own identity and become a powerful, compelling story in its own right, maybe even with some decent gameplay.

For all I write about Tomb Raider, I don't think it should be reserved a permanent place at the high table of gaming just because it's got a great legacy. If it really has passed its sell-by date, lay it to rest, let something else take its place, give new designers a voice, but let's give it one last chance to prove itself.

I hope it can.

Stuff done since June 14th, 2012

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Yep, one of these again.

Books read

I actually finished Middlemarch. It took me a year, not including a false start which saw me devour a mere 300 pages of it back in 2008. Completing it was a relief, I won't lie. Still, I definitely enjoyed it, or I wouldn't have finished it. Life is too short to read books you don't enjoy, whatever their merit (see: Dickens).

In the meantime I also read Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood, which I enjoyed despite it being quite strange, and What I Talk about when I Talk about Running by the same author.

I also started reading Game of Thrones because I realised I haven't read any fantasy since the long, slow, painful, childhood-destroying decline of Harry Potter that set in around 2003. I'm usually more of a sci-fi person but I felt like reading a big yarn about swords and Game of Thrones hit the spot. Trying to read the book at the same time as the television show is being broadcast while simultaneously avoiding spoilers is quite a challenge for a person who spends as much time on the internet as I do.

Since I haven't seen the TV show and am too terrified of spoilers to look it up, I'm not entirely sure who this is meant to be (Ned maybe?), but, you know... swords, Boromir, a bunch more swords... What's not to like?

Speaking of faddy books, I have not read and will never read 50 Shades of Grey but Karl Webster listed its 15 worst sentences on his blog and it's quite funny if you find bad writing as much as I do.


Things done

I've actually been running since January but I haven't mentioned it on Well-Rendered so far because I'm not especially good at it.

I was forced to do cross country at school between the ages of 8 and 11. The school was situated at the top of a hill, and the course led down the hill, into some woods, around the woods, around the playing fields and back up the hill. I (and the second-most inept pupil at the school) would race down the hill as soon as the teacher's whistle went, allowing gravity and torrents of mud to carry me to the bottom, at which point I would double over, exhausted, and proceed to walk the rest of the way, arriving back at the showers approximately forty minutes after everyone else had gone home.

I found running deeply unpleasant, and it simply did not occur to me that a little effort each time would make each succeeding occasion slightly less unpleasant. It continued not occurring to me for the next 14 years, at which point I realised that the only way I could continue to devour steak and beer without a) spending my entire salary on a new wardrobe (FYI - video game PR: not where the money is) or b) dressing entirely in togas for the next 60 years.

Then on Christmas Eve 2011, plagued by preemptive seasonal guilt, I thought it would be a really good idea to get up at 6:30 in the morning and run along the Thames Path. I managed to keep running for about seven minutes before I collapsed in paroxysms of wheezing pain and was unable to move my legs for the next three days despite going to the effort of doing "cool-down" stretches (quote marks added because I'm not convinced they actually do anything). 

Fast forward eight months and I'm now able to run eight kilometres in forty-five minutes and now run between ten and twenty-five kilometres a week. Which isn't amazing, but it's pretty good for Dumpy McPloddalong. So if you see a bespectacled woman in a Devin Townsend T-shirt running along the Thames Path while mouthing the words to Yellow Submarine, please don't say hello, I will be embarrassed.


Gigs attended

I went to Download festival in 2009, and while it was sunny and fun and I got to see the Prodigy, it made me realise that I simply cannot be bothered with the time, faff, discomfort and expense of a music festival. Not because I'm cheap and lazy (I am, of course but never mind that), but because I want something better than bad lager, obnoxious students in designer wellies and the kind of bad acoustics that none but the most budget music venues would ever dare to charge money for in return.

Want incredible music and a communal experience? Go to a gig. Want to sacrifice personal hygiene for convenience? Go trekking somewhere rugged and spectacular. Want to spend £500 and use up 3 precious days of hard-earned holiday? Go on a European city break. Geez.

Anyway, this tide of misanthropy is the main reason I'm glad that Download 2009 wasn't a complete waste of time. I'll never go to a festival again (unless I get rich enough to afford a massive campervan and/or miraculously start liking Coldplay), so it's good luck that the one time I went, I got to see Faith No More perform almost all my favourite tracks. Here they are performing my desert island #1, "Ashes to Ashes":



In July, I went to see them again at the Hammersmth Apollo, which wasn't quite as EPIC (geddit, FNM fans?) but it was still pretty rockin' and they also covered Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up", which as every child of the internet knows, is the soundtrack to the second greatest meme of all time after goatse.

Mum, please do not google "goatse". I'm really not kidding. Seriously, don't.

Films watched

I've been watching every Bond film in order, one every Sunday. I can't remember when I started, but I'm now up to Octopussy, so it must have been about three months.

To celebrate making it half way through the Roger Moore (best. porn name. ever.) years, I went to the "Designing 007: 50 Years of Bond Style" exhibition at the Barbican and drank a Martini. The ambiance of glamour and sohistication that shrouded the evening was perhaps smudged a little by my insistence on ordering a bowl of stilton shortbread to acompany the aformentioned Martini (I don't think Vesper Lynd would have done that), but it was thoroughly enjoyable nonetheless.

This is a poster from Thunderball, which has a really confusing underwater sex scene where Bond and Domino are wearing snorkels.

Games playedI have currently earned 95% of the PS3 trophies on Tomb Raider: Legend and 76% of those in Tomb Raider: Anniversary. Yes, that's all secrets, hard difficulty, time trials.

The endeavour, whilst utterly pointless in the conventional sense of the word, has made me realised how very well designed and executed those games, particularly Anniversary are. It made me look forward to the upcoming Tomb Raider, which I've been feeling pretty ambivalent about of late. Let's hope the level design wizards who made the Egyptian levels in Anniversary so fiendish yet fluid are still working at Crystal.

I also just finished Batman: Arkham City. It's awesome. More on that later.

Stuff written

Yes, the point emerges!

I've just started a fortnightly column over at GodisaGeek called "Character Select", where I write about a different video game character each week. First up, Mordin Solus, the fast-talking salarian scientist from Mass Effect 2 and 3.

How... Pinteresting

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I've resisted Pinterest for a long time because as far as I could because I was thought it was just a place where girls just stuck pictures of pretty stuff. Turns out I was right, but it seems I'd forgotten that I am a girl and I like pretty stuff, so now I have a Pinterest. It is here.

Ricardo Bofill's incredible cement factory conversion, which now adorns my Pinterest.

It's not especially creative on my part, but I quite like having a place to put things I think are beautiful or inspiring, even though it doesn't really serve a purpose beyond amusing me.

If you came here looking for original content about video games, you're actually in luck: Mark Bridle from GodisaGeek is writing a column, "The Story Mechanic", over at the site, and last week he spoke to me about JRPGs for a while. "The Story Mechanic Part Five: Mark and Mark Talk JRPGs" contains a lot of me being a grump-o-saurus but Mark's awfully good-natured about it and asks a lot of insighful questions. 

Bayonetta: feminist nightmare or just an angel-botherer in a catsuit?

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When I started researching my latest Character Select for GodisaGeek, I had no idea how many people were annoyed by Bayonetta. It was actually hard work choosing which outraged and sketchily-reasoned commentators amused me most.

Bayonetta from behind.

If you're interested, I suggest you go and read the article and then come back here. Finished? Good.

I am a feminist in that I believe in equality between the sexes, but I believe in equality for everyone and there's no word for that. A "personist"? What's the word for "not being a racist", for example? There isn't one. Anyway, when I say "equality", I mean "equality", which is why I question what often strikes me as knee-jerk reactions to depictions of women in games. Women everywhere really, but games because I know a lot about them and they're a lot less complicated than real life because video game characters don't actually exist.

In Uncharted 3, Nathan Drake gets captured by pirates, strapped to a chair and beaten. In God of War, male Kratos is depicted as a rippling lump of angry man-meat hell-bent on violent destruction. In Mass Effect 2, a female Shepard can pursue Jacob, who is impossibly attractive and perfectly proportioned. When you get him back to your cabin, he strips to his waist and FemShep gazes at him admiringly, as the audience is invited to do (FemShep remains clothed).

Alright, I haven't trawled the darker recesses of the internet (feel free to prove me wrong, comment box affictionados), but I don't remember anyone ever going "how can they abuse Nathan, stereotype Kratos and objectify Jacob in games! Show men some respect, blah blah blah..."

Jacob in Mass Effect 2. Phwoar! By which I mean "this is a shocking example of objectification, men needed to be treated with respect, or something."

That's because no-one thinks doing those things to fictional men in a fictional story is inherently a bad thing, so why on earth is it such a problem when it happens to female characters? When Lara Croft gets beaten up, when Princess Peach mopes around waiting to be rescued, when the camera lingers on Bayonetta's body, everyone is up in arms. This is ridiculous. Maybe I will regret saying that in the morning once everyone has stopped following me on Twitter (NOOOOOO) and I am never allowed to write about games again, but come on. If it's ok for men to be treated in a certain way by fiction, it's ok for women to be treated that way too.

I said in the Bayonetta article that I don't think the argument that the historic (and in many places, still current) imbalance between men and women means that women should not be portrayed in certain ways holds any water. If you want to keep on being owned and controlled by an unpleasant history, then keep making reference to it, and keep looking for reasons to hark back to it.

There are still horrendous imbalances facing women all over the world, in all sorts of different ways, and if you care about equality, go and tackle actual problems, don't whine about something as minor and arbitrary as whether or not Bayonetta is wearing a bra, especially if you're not going to afford Jacob the same consideration.

Ridding the world of the cast of Dead or Alive is not going to prevent rape or stop human trafficking. It will not change ingrained attitudes towards women in the minds of those with no wish to change, it will just annoy people who like Dead or Alive, most of whom are not chauvinistic rapists. People who like looking at pretend woman in bikinis aren't necessarily bad people, they just like looking at pretend women in bikinis.


Trying to repress or erase artistic (stretching the meaning of the word a little with reference to Dead or Alive, but anyway) representations of things is not a practical or realistic way of addressing actual problems. Sexy video games aren't really a cause or a symptom of anything ingrained in our culture, they just exist because some people like sexy video games.

More on this later (oh, you lucky, lucky people), but now it's bed time, and I feel I'm in danger of starting a flame war.

At least I would be if I updated enough to have more than four regular commenters.

Frank Pritchard and the Dangers of Whimsy

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Best. Band name. Ever.

While you think about that, and try and deal emotionally with Well-Rendered's new look, here's some Frank Pritchard concept art.




Now, I like Frank Pritchard because I like the nerds. This week, I decided I liked them so much, I'd write a whole article about Frank Pritchard for Character Select, but I wasn't prepared for where that would take me.

Namely here (NSFW)!

I want to write a lot more about fan-fiction because I enjoyed "researching" this week's Character Select rather more that it's probably safe to admit, but it's too late for that tonight.

As you can see, Well-Rendered's had a rather garish makeover, not entirely on purpose. I thought editing the HTML in my template would be a really good idea when I was tired, and I managed to delete my header. You know, the jagged crayola .gif that's been up there for the last three years.

I know, right? WHAT A SHAME.

Thing is, I was actually quite attached to that crappy little header, so rather than going about the reconstruction sensibly, I had a complete emotional collapse in the kitchen and spent about an hour panicking and forgetting everything I know about HTML, and by the time I'd created a template that looked halfway decent (using WYSIWYG because that's how I roll), it was too late to write about Frank Pritchard "with a bare chest, pink spoon and a dab of yoghurt for no reason".

"Pritchard's Yoghurt Night", by doubleleaf, one of my new favourite fan artists. Visit, admire.


What am I saying, it's never too late for that.

Anyway, I'd like to write more about fan art and fan fiction because they really are things I take great delight in. They're also things that people can be pretty snobby about, and I'd like to take some time to show my appreciation.

In the meantime, I've added a Fan Art board to my Pinterest, which probably says more about me than anything I've ever written on...




Character Select and Well-Rendered maintenance

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I haven't really introduced Character Select properly, which is most neglectful. If it slipped under your radar (because I haven't really introduced it properly), it's a column, by me, in which I "select" a video game "character" and write about 2,000 words about how awesome they are or what they say about post-colonial tensions in millennial Britain, or why I really like their hair.

Frank Pritchard does have pretty swell hair.

I'm very much enjoying it, not least because it gives me an excuse to re-play one of my favourite games every other week for "research".

To give it the fanfare it should have had when it launched back in August, I've created a page on this blog with links to all articles that I will update as more are published.

Additionally, I've updated the list of articles I've written on GodisaGeek since the summer. As you can see, it's a very JRPG-heavy list. I think that's because Mark Bridle, who writes the wonderful "Story Mechanic" column on GodisaGeek, decided he'd write one about JRPGs, which meant asking the GodisaGeek team whether any of us considered ourselves JRPG experts. I said something like "I played Final Fantasy X once and have spent eight years trying to recapture that sense of wonder by tramping through Chopin's subconscious killing mushrooms" so he ended up talking to me about them for this article, helpfully titled "Mark and Mary talk JRPGs".

Anyway, since then, whenever a JRPG has ended up at the GodisaGeek office, more often than not it's gone to me for review. That's why I ended up with the sweet Tales of Graces f(not a typo) and the sticky Mugen Souls.

Video game narrative at its finest.

It's been a really good couple of months at GodisaGeek, my thanks to the editors and the rest of the team for giving me the opportunity to write all these things. Long may it continue.


You don't need my voice girl, you have your own.

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I'm currently reading Possession, A. S. Byatt's 1990 Booker Prize-winning novel about an academic quest to uncover hidden details in the biographies of two fictional Victorian writers. The title has many meanings, amongst them the feeling of ownership a writer feels for his or her subject, and the ownership the subject has over them, whether they like it or not.

Possession, by A. S. Byatt

A particular passage has stuck with me. It concerns James Blackadder, eminent scholar and biographer of fictional poet Randolph Henry Ash. We are granted a window into Blackadder's inner life as he muses upon a life spent dissecting the words of another:

"There were times when Blackadder allowed himself to see clearly that he would end his working life, that was to say his conscious thinking life, in this task, that all his thoughts would have been another man's thoughts, all his work another man's work. And then he thought it did not perhaps matter so greatly. He did after all find Ash fascinating, even after all these years. It was a pleasant subordination, if he was a subordinate."

That resonates with me because just about everything I write or have ever written dissects or repackages the words of someone else, be it authors, video game characters, journalists, musicians or designers. At work I think up ways to represent someone else's creation to a fresh audience, and when I write for myself, it is to explore those creations in more detail. Like Blackadder, I consider it a pleasant subordination, otherwise why else would I do it? (I've said it before and I'll say it again, kids, this is not where the money is, go and get a science degree.)

People who end up doing what I do ("writing", apparently) in some shape or form generally end up doing so through a desire to express what they think or feel. So much of the time, however, this takes the form of articulating what it is about someone else's expression that makes them think or feel something. I needn't point out that I started this post doing exactly that with Byatt. Whoah, meta.

This can lead to frustration. Fulfilling though it is dedicating yourself to honouring someone else's creation with the thoughtfulness it deserves, there's often the gnawing sense that you should be creating something yourself. Of course, the line between an original creation and offshoot of someone else's is extremely hard to define, if it even exists. Which, as anyone with even the remotest grounding in intertextuality will know, it arguably doesn't.

Let's take fanart. A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post about Deus Ex: Human Revolution fanart. It, and the GodisaGeek article on the topic, were inspired by the vast quantity of incredible pieces you can see on the official Deus Ex tumblr blog, DeviantArt or anywhere else you care to look. So many of these artists are so talented that I sometimes, in my lesser, sleep-deprived moments, wonder why they're drawing pictures inspired by a sci-fi video game as opposed to their own creations.

Icarus, by SpoonfishLee on DeviantArt, click through to the original.

The above piece is inspired by the "Icarus" thread that runs through Deus Ex: Human Revolution, a story about a period in mankind's history when its desire to better itself and push body and mind to the limits threatens its very existence. The Icarus myth, of course, tells the story of the peerless craftsman Daedalus, imprisoned in a tower by King Minos to prevent him disgorging the secrets of the labyrinth Minos had commissioned him to build.

With Daedalus is his beloved son, Icarus. Unable to bear the thought of his son growing up in captivity, Daedalus crafts a pair of wings for each of them so they can escape Minos. He warns Icarus not to fly too close to the sun lest it melt the wax that holds the feathers in place. But alas, when they do escape, Icarus is so elated by the power of flight that he does not heed his father's warning. He flies too high, the wax melts, and he falls to his death in the sea.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution's protagonist, Adam Jensen, is Icarus to boss David Sarif's Daedalus. Victim of a horrific terrorist attack, Adam is again victim to his employment contract as Sarif uses a handy loophole to "augment" him with all the biotechnology firm's most advanced cybernetic enhancements, giving him incredible power. Throughout the game, the player is free to choose how close to the sun they fly, and thus whether Adam's power makes him more or less than human.

(I hadn't meant to position the game as a piece of "Icarus" fanfiction, and it certainly isn't in the way that the picture above is a piece of Deus Ex: Human Revolution fanart, but it's interesting to see how stories reference each other.)

Anyway, that picture is a powerful expression of a core theme that runs through the game, and the fact that it directly references and builds upon a specific character created by someone else doesn't make it any less valid as a piece of art than an image of an entirely new character might be, which is what I tell myself whenever I wonder what else these incredible artists might be drawing pictures of. Here's an art nouveau-inspired picture of FemShep, the female version of Commander Shepard, protagonist of the Mass Effect series:

"Commander Nouveau" by YamiSnuffles on DeviantArt, click through to the original.

Now, when I see these pictures I feel happy that there are people out there turning their love of one thing into something so beautiful, and then sad because at the moment I'm turning my love of these things into sporadic blog posts before I get tired and grumpy. At my best, I churn out well-reasoned articles which articulate something that hopefully many people realise they feel about these things, or at least get me a good mark in something, but those things don't often feel like they have a life of their own, like I feel (and I hope the artists feel) that these pictures do.

The title of this post comes from, surprise surprise, a Tori Amos lyric. The song in question isn't really about artistic expression, though she has many that are, I just thought it appropriate in this case, especially since one of my favourite books is pretty much a collection of Tori Amos fanart of the highest calibre.

Comic Book Tattoo is a collection of 51 short stories in graphic novel form, each by a different artist and writer, each based on a different Tori Amos song. Even if you're not really a fan, I would implore all people even marginally interested in graphic novels, art, or even just narrative to seek it out because it has so much power and variety.

The different stories certainly have a life of their own, how could they not? They're the pictures that come into the artists' heads when they hear the music. It's worth mentioning that it doesn't just include singles, or even album tracks, but B-sides, songs from soundtracks and even one track that hasn't been officially released since the 80s: we're talking proper fans here. The point is that here are people turning their feelings about someone else's art into a completely different kind of art, something that is far more difficult than it may at first seem.

Jessica Staley and Shane White's interpretation of "Devils and Gods".

Going back to that quote. I put a story on this blog once called "Encore", which I wrote for a creative writing course in my third year at uni. To be honest, I took that course because I knew the background reading would be minimal and that even if I only got an average mark, the time it would give me to spend on the three modules that required serious study would make it worthwhile.

It paid off. When it came to putting together my portfolio for that course, I found it was simple enough to assemble a collection of three pieces: an angst-ridden piece of travel writing about volunteer tourism (another time, readers), a faintly amusing review about a film I hated (Love Actually, the nastiest, most cynical film ever crapped out by anyone ever) and "Encore", the story I later posted to Well-Rendered.

I'm not saying "Encore" is a brilliant piece of work. It's not dreadful, but it's nothing earth-shattering, the point was I found it incredibly easy to write because although it doesn't articulate my greatest pain, it probably articulates my greatest frustration, which is that I find it easiest to communicate using the words of others. Like James Blackadder, I am a subordinate, and sometimes I do not wish to be.

One of my worst habits is making compilation CDs for people, even people my age, who might not even have the means to read optical media, now that I come to think about it. I only do it for people I really like, and I put an enormous amount of care into track selection and inlay design (the bit behind the disc itself is the best part), but the truth is it's a pretty selfish gift because you're asking people to spend an hour or so listening to stuff you like.

Really liking Tori Amos, or Deus Ex, or Mass Effect or a poet (fictional or otherwise) in such an intense way is like only being able to speak one language, and the only other people who can speak it already know everything you know so you have nothing to say to each other. If you only speak in those terms, you miss out on the really interesting conversations, that is conversations with people who know things you don't, and vice versa.

Mark Sable and Max Douglas' interpretation of "Upside Down".

The fact that people do actually read what I write and sometimes say nice things about it or get into intelligent arguments with me suggests that the exercise isn't a complete waste of time, and of course I enjoy it. But I am getting to the stage where seeing or reading art that moves me is beginning to cause me frustration as well as pleasure.

Don't worry, Well-Rendered isn't going anywhere. Neither is Character Select or even the Pinterest board. It's just that maybe the time has come when I start learning how to speak for myself.

This post is for Julia.


Tomb Raider box art verdict and immersion-destroying hair.

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I don't usually bother commenting on gaming news on Well-Rendered because as you might have noticed, I tend not to write about very recent releases. About once or twice a year, I'll buy something on release day and end up writing about it a couple of weeks later, but the rest of the time I tend not to get round to playing something until it's been out for at least six months.

"That trailer was lame."

I also try and avoid news about games I'm really interested in because I fear the hype machine that claimed me and forty of my hard-earned pounds back in 2010 with the release of Final Fantasy XIII. If I really want to play a new or upcoming game, I'll ignore it for a few months, then start reading blogs and reviews by people whose opinions I trust. That way, I generally manage to avoid disappointment.

There are exceptions though, and you can probably guess that one of those exceptions is Tomb Raider. I follow the official Tomb Raider tumblr blog daily, not just for news, but also the lovely and varied selection of fan art and development nuggets from Crystal Dynamics. Now would be a good time to say how much I like the tumblr blogs for Square Enix studios such as Crystal Dynamics and Eidos Montreal that provide such a fun feed for fans (no alliteration intended), an approachable and varied mix of fan art, Q&A sessions, studio insight and news. It's smart community management, basically, far better than a sporadically updated news page on a flash-heavy website.

The new Tomb Raider box art.

Anyway, I've been quite excited about the box art for the upcoming Tomb Raider game, and now that it's been released, I'm happy to say that I like it. I wasn't too keen on the grubby headshot that did the rounds when the game was announced because, well, I just didn't believe in her hair. Take a look.

Worst. Hair. Ever.

Why is it all short at the back and sides? It would have been messed up by the shipwreck, but not cut off, which means her hair was short in those places in the first place and I just don't think the kind of woman who'd go to the effort of having such long, well-conditioned, swishy hair would have it cut in such a ridiculous way. Role-playing is important to me, and that hair really threatened to get in the way of it.

Actually, Elena Fisher has something similar going on: if her hair's long enough to go back in a bun, she shouldn't have those weird Lisa Simpson spikes at the nape of her neck. Look:

Why does Elena have some kind of hair valance?

The other Uncharted woman, Chloe Frazer, also has immersion-destroying hair because it's not really tied back in any way that would facilitate adventuring, it's just sort of loosely gathered, like an eighteenth-century curtain or something. It looks like it would be really annoying, and keep falling in her eyes during gun battles. I guess it was chosen because practically tied-back hair would look too much like Elena's, a higher ponytail or braid would make her look too much like Lara Croft (she's already a brunette with combats and boots), and loose hair would look too impractical.

At least the style she has makes a slight nod to practicality, even if it doesn't follow through. Still, I always want to tie it back properly for her with a good-quality hair elastic and maybe a clip for her fringe.

Surely this hair would get in the way? It's a bit Monica-from-Friends circa 2002, and the Friends girls always had really unconvincing hair.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Lara. More recent publicity shots have played down the stupid haircut, which I'm really happy about.

I like the new box art, I think it's a good balance between the series' new identity and a classic pose, where she looks capable and determined, if not confident. Yet. I'm really beginning to look forward to the game, if only because it looks like it's doing something new, not just within the series, but within games in general.

In the meantime, I've signed up for NaNoWriMo. One of the instructions it gives is to tell people you're doing it so it's harder to quit halfway through, so that's what I'm doing. I'm still not terrifically optimistic about my ability to write 1,600 words every day (i.e. 1,600 more words than I currently do), but you know, they don't actually have to be any good. That's the point. Like Hemingway said, "write drunk; edit sober".

That would explain why I'm so good at my job.

JOKING.

Katherine Marlowe and "The Waste Land"

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Today marks the first time I have written about modernist poetry for GodisaGeek, and I feel it's long overdue. Katherine "Scary Poppins" Marlowe is the subject of this week's Character Select because she really serves the narrative, if not necessarily the game.


I've played Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception through four times now. Four. Twice on "crushing" difficulty. The shooting stops being challenging after playing it that many times, so clearly I just do it for the story. In fact, this was probably the most difficult Character Select I've written, certainly the one I spent the most time on. I just wanted to do the story and the character justice, really, and I hope that came across. Thank you everyone at Naughty Dog for turning out something so wonderful, you've given me many happy hours.

Final Fantasy VII Playthrough: Part 1 - The First Reactor

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When I heard that Final Fantasy VII was being re-mastered and released on the PC earlier this year, I wondered if it would playing it through properly for the first time and documenting it in blog form.

The Final Fantasy VII title screen.

I've been thinking of doing a written "Let's Play" for a while, because "Let's Plays" are a cross between travel writing and game criticism. I'd never do a recorded, spoken-word "Let's Play" for reasons that will be clear to anyone who've heard my aborted attempts at podcasting, but writing one will, I hope, be fun. I did think about starting a new blog for the purpose, but then I'd have to update it regularly, and I don't really have time for that alongside Well-Rendered. This Final Fantasy VII playthrough on Well-Rendered will be updated whenever I have time, so don't be surprised if it takes well over a year.

I think it's an interesting game for me to write about because unlike many gamers of my generation, I never played it when it was released in 1997. I'll therefore be looking at it fairly objectively, without the nostalgia that colours my Tomb Raider ramblings. Before I started playing it, I wondered how much of the reverence towards the game was to do with nostalgia and how much was to do with actual merit. I reckon other people probably wonder the same thing, so hopefully they will appreciate this viewpoint.

For those who did play it when it came out, I hope this retrospective brings back some memories.

When you start the game, there are some splash screens, and some evocative music.

The SquareSoft logo, complete with chocobos.

The one thing this blog really can't get across is the music, which is utterly brilliant considering the limitations of the tools composer Nobuo Uematsu had to work with. Actually, some of my very favourite game soundtracks were from the Gameboy Donkey Kong Land series. The composers had to be so incredibly good since they had to come up with a chiptune that was pleasant to listen to for hours on end. Donkey Kong Land 3 had some classics ("Cascade Capers" is pretty hectic), but the original Donkey Kong Land probably had the best tracks. "Track Attack" was so good that I just used to ride around on the little rotating platform for ages just listening to it. I had more time when I was 10.

The music's a good touchstone in this case because I was finally prompted to start writing this after listening to Random (Mega Ran) and Lost Perception'sBlack Materia album, a really well-researched, deftly-written hip-hop version of the Final Fantasy VII soundtrack. The lyrics are better than pretty much anything Tim Rice ever came up with.

Speaking of Tim Rice, I saw him once. I was about seven, in a car park in Cornwall with my mum, and she saw him in his car and said "look, that's Tim Rice!" and he drove off. We weren't going to talk to him or anything, she was just pointing him out to me because I knew all the words to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. All of them. Even the ones to the song where they list all the colours of the coat. Anyway, Tim Rice clearly thought he was going to have to talk to a member of the public because you could hear the tyres squeal as he escaped the car park. His loss. My mum's cool!

Starry night.

Once you select "New Game", there's a long, wordless sequence where you see nothing but a sky full of stars. The significance becomes clear much later, but the length of the shot really makes the game feel epic very early on. It lets you know that you'll be in this for the long haul.

How do you get lift like that at the roots?

The first character you see is a girl at an altar. Character design is important, and her high collar, neck bow and softly-coloured clothes mean she has an aura of innocence and mystery. This is because in JRPG-land, especially in PSOne graphic days, any character without a miniskirt and/or an enormous cleavage exudes an aura of mystery. "Who is this strange woman, and why can I not see her breasts?".

The camera pans out, and that's the last we see of this mysteriously-dressed character for a while.

Midgar city streets.

The Midgar streets are rendered in a palette of toxic yellows and grimey greys, and the continuing camera pan shows us why.

Midgar's Mako reactor.

Industrial pollution, huh? Guess we're in for a story about corrupt corporations and morally-ambiguous eco-terrorists...

This is before steampunk was cool. I mean really cool. Before you could buy goggles in Claire's Accessories.

And here they are. The camera pans back in as a hefty train pulls into a station. The guards in red let us know civil liberties are lacking.

Eco-terrorists?

That's probably why these guys are beating them up. I really love the way this entire sequence is a single camera shot, there's no cuts. This was managed because the backgrounds are (I think) FMVs, while the moving characters are rendered separately, on top of the backdrop. It makes you feel part of the action, right from the beginning. The alternative - cut-scenes separate from gameplay - would have a dislocating effect.

Guess that's me.

Ok, what's the worst that can happen?

What is that thing on the left?

The first battle in the game! This is the first time we see our hero's enormous sword (steady now), which, together with his spiky hair, has become synonymous with JRPG protagonist design ever since. When Final Fantasy VII was first released, graphics weren't that powerful, so the characters had exaggerated physical characteristics to distinguish them from each other and make their animations clear. Thus, Cloud has a vast sword and incredibly pointy hair.

You'll also notice that the first time we see him on the train platform, Cloud is super deformed, with a large head and a tiny body, again, to make him easier to see against the game's backdrops. In the battle screens (above), there's less going on, so he can be drawn in a more realistic style.

You'll be happy to know, since I plan to play this entire game, that I managed to win that first battle without too much trouble.

"Achievement unlocked"? And there I was thinking I was just sitting around playing video games...

Ooh, look at that, an achievement. I guess, along with shiny HD graphics, that's a good reason for playing the PC, rather than the PlayStation 3 version. Whether I care about achievements or trophies absolutely depends on the game I'm playing. The new Tomb Raider games, I love getting trophies for, especially the timed runs in Legend and Anniversary. Likewise the kill counts with certain weapons in Uncharted.

But some, I'm just not that bothered about. If Final Fantasy VII continues to give me achievements for just turning up to class and not falling asleep, like it just did, I'm probably not going to get too excited.

Also, my name seems to be "EX-SOLDIER". Wonder if we can do any better than that? Guess we'll find out in a minute.

But first, time for some exposition.

Thanks, exposition monitor.

Ok, this tells us a lot. Firstly, that I used to be in some kind of hardcore organisation, and secondly, that members of said organisation don't tend to socialise with the kind of people who just beat up all those guards at the train station. Since all these AVALANCHE members are dressed differently from each other, it's safe to assume that they're the good guys. Bad guys, like Storm Troopers, are always dressed the same.

Speaking of Storm Troopers, two of the three AVALANCHE members in the above screenshot are called Biggs and Wedge, like the X-Wing team who attack the Death Star at the end of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. I'm pretty sure that given the similarities between AVALANCHE and the rebels, and the fact that both teams try to destroy some major hardware owned by an evil corporation/empire, that the similarity is deliberate.

Speaking of names, what's mine?

"Fuzzybutt"?

Nowadays, very few games let you name the main characters. It was a standard in the 90s, especially in Japanese games. I had The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening on the GameBoy, and when I got asked for my name, I wrote "MARY", which meant that whenever anyone talked to Link in the game, they addressed "MARY", which was incredibly off-putting. It's partly because Link's a boy (not that you could really tell going by the graphics alone, the character was about 10 pixels high) and partly because it's hard to pretend you're the only survivor of a mysterious shipwreck exploring the uncharted dungeons of Koholint Island when people keep saying "Hello Mary" at you.

Having learned from that experience, I stuck with "Cloud". Many protagonists in Final Fantasy games are named after some kind of bad weather condition, like Cloud, Squall, Lightning and even Tidus. It's a nice touch.

What about the guy with the gun?

Nice flat-top, dude.

Barret looks a lot like Mr. T.

Barret takes over the role of Chief Exposition Officer.

Now, I'm not an experienced eco-terrorist or what have you, but I feel that Barret should have explained this kind of thing to Cloud before they set off to blow up the Mako reactor. And wouldn't Cloud know about Mako energy already?

The exposition continues in the lift, with Barret reassuring the player that if they're not on the side of good, they're at least on the side with good intentions.

What's with Jessie's mouth?

Who could fail to be moved by that?

Such a cynic.

Wow, me, I guess. Cloud here takes a rather Han Solo-ish attitude to the proceedings. After he says this, there's a pretty funny animation where Barret starts shaking to show how angry he is, but it doesn't really come across in a screenshot, so you'll have to imagine it.

Inside the facility.

It's unusual for games to throw you in somewhere this bleak right at the start. Most games tend to warm you up and give you a bit of motivation by using the characters and the world to show you what you're trying to save, but Final Fantasy VII puts you straight into a nasty decaying industrial reactor with an apparently heartless protagonist.

The environments are really excellent. Limitations really do breed creativity, and although Final Fantasy VII's graphics were advanced for 1997, they're still fairly limited by today's standards: they must be static, for example, and there's certainly no physics. However, they're beautifully detailed, and due to restraint in their design (missing from later, big-budget iterations of the series), they're believable, too.

Safety first.
Cloud delves deeper into the facility.

"Do not turn this valve."

That seemed a bit easier than getting to the middle of the Death Star. When you turn the valve this happens:

That doesn't sound good.

This is the first boss battle in the game, and we meet it about five minutes in. It seems like a pretty scary thing to have lurking in an industrial facility, but I guess it shows that we're definitely up against the bad guys.

It doesn't look like Cloud's MASSIVE sword is going to be enough on its own. Thank heavens we've got Barrett with us!

Big Shot

Another achievement, this time for using Barret's "Limit". Limits are Final Fantasy VII's version of a JRPG staple, a special attack that charges over time, under conditions that can in some games be set by the player. They make fights more interesting, as you have to use a little strategy to decide when you're going to deploy them.

Barret, as you might have noticed, has a gun welded on to his arm, not unlike the Deus Ex: Human Revolution character Lawrence Barrett, also published by Square Enix. Eidos Montreal, developers of Deus Ex: Human Revolution, assure us it's a co-incidence.

I like Barret's arm gun, it's dark, scary and threatening, especially in a character who is meant to be on your side. What kind of a world is this where dudes like this are running around blowing up reactors? It's a great bit of wordless narrative.

Bye bye.

In this game, when enemies die, they go all red and transparent, and then disappear. Guess that's the final boss down, and we can get out of here. Right?

This is not the final countdown. There are a lot of countdowns in this game.

I guess not. It looks like we only have eight minutes and 29 seconds before the Mako reactor explodes. We'd better get out of here!

The Mako reactor explodes.

Wow. That looks pretty major. You'll have to wait until the next instalment of the Well-Rendered Final Fantasy VII Playthrough to find out if Cloud, Barret, Biggs, Jessie and Wedge made it out alive...


All screenshots taken using FRAPS.

National Novel Writing Month

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Back in 2010, I took part in National Blog Posting Month, in which I posted one blog post a day for a month. Nearly. It was quite difficult to do every day, and I'm not sure what I gained out of it. Slightly more blog posts than I would usually publish, about rather more throwaway things.



This year, I'm taking part in the altogether more scary-sounding National Novel Writing Month. Guess what that entails. One of the instructions is to "tell your inner editor to take a hike" so your inner writer can run naked and free through the fertile pastures of your imagination. I've just written 1,000 words before work (another 600 to go today), and it's incredibly difficult. My inner editor said she was going on a trip but she keeps popping back because she "forgot" something.

"Just checking you're ok... Oh, you don't want to put that there, it doesn't make any sense. Why don't any of the places have names? You can't just put them in later, or you'll forget what you're talking about. I think you're being too ambitious, why don't you sit down and have a proper think about it. Maybe write out a plan, like you learned to do at school. Should you be eating that, by the way? Just a thought..."
 

Final Fantasy VII Playthrough: Part 2 - AVALANCHE and the Slums

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Having blown up a Mako reactor, it's up to Cloud, Barret, Wedge, Biggs and Jessie to escape the explosion, and anyone who might be coming after them.

Cloud is propelled out of the exploding Mako reactor.

As soon as they emerge, Cloud asks Barret for his payment, exhibiting his mercenary tendencies. What childhood trauma left you so cold, Cloud? Don't you know the fate of the planet is at stake, and that Avalanche is trying to stop Shinra Electric Power Company from polluting it further?

Barret mumbles something about returning home before he and the rest of Avalanche vanish, leaving Cloud to his flight through the Midgar city streets.

Midgar streets.

Running through the dilapidated streets, Cloud encounters the nameless girl from the intro sequence. In the midst of this dirty yellow rusting city, she's selling beautiful fresh flowers, and offers Cloud one for 1 Gil. Cloud might be a ruthless mercenary, but I'm not, so I buy a flower.

The flower seller reminds me of the Alfonso Cuarón film adaptation of A Little Princess. *Sniff*

As Cloud leaves, flower in hand, he is accosted by Shinra guards and chased through the streets. At one point, it seems like he's cornered, but fortunately he's right above a rail bridge when this happens. He leaps from the bridge onto the speeding train, leaving the guards behind.

James Bond just did this exact thing in Skyfall.
The train happens to be the one that the other members of Avalanche are on, which sort of begs the question of why Cloud didn't just leave with them in the first place, especially considering he still wants their money. Let's not worry about that.

Hey, it's Portsmouth!

The train weaves its way through the crumbling Midgar infrastructure in an FMV sequence. I love the way the opening to this game establishes a sense of place. There's something majestic about old industrial buildings, and these ones have a sinister edge because of what they're doing to the planet. Or at least because of what Barret's told us they're doing to the planet. Are they really doing that? Can we trust him yet? Let's hold our judgement a while longer.

The Sector 7 station. Could do with a lick of paint.

The party disembarks at Midgar station. I used to go to university in New Cross and for some reason I can't put my finger on, I am reminded of that little corner of South East London at this moment.

The warning about ghosts, by the way, does not put me off. I wander around the train station by myself and have to fight a bunch of ghosts. A bunch. In the "making of" documentary for Monty Python's Life of Brian, Graham Chapman is talking about Terry Gilliam, and says something like "Terry is an American. He says 'bunch' a lot. When we were coming here, he looked out of the aeroplane window and said 'hey, you guys, look, a whole bunch of water...' ugh..."

I watched that documentary in 2003, and "bunch" has been my favourite collective noun ever since.

Oh dear...

That odd little question mark there is a save point, in case you were wondering.

Now we've returned to Sector 7, it's time for the reality of my actions back at the reactor to sink in. That's why this dude is telling my why it would be a bad thing if some "pillar" falls down.

I think.

Sure, buddy.




Not here, there's rubble everywhere, geez.


Oh, the pillar? Right.

The pillar over Sector 7.

That is a pretty big pillar. That's just the top, mind you. It would take about three screenshots to show you the whole thing, and I'm trying to be a good editor, so enjoy the top.

Awed by the pillar, I decide to explore Sector 7.

Shinra guards. Spoilsports.

Huh. Looks like I'm not going that way. I spoke to the fellow to the left. He was a n00b and thus very polite about telling me I couldn't pass. The guy on the right was far less polite, even calling me "scum".

Avalanche gathers.

I return back the way I came and stumble upon the rest of Avalanche outside their base. See how they're all wearing adorably mis-matched clothes? They're definitely the good guys. I'm feeling pretty tired and hungry by this point, maybe I'll head inside.

Marlene greets Barret, adoringly.

Two new characters! First we have the foxy brunette, guess we'll find out more about her in a minute. For now, lets focus on the adorable moppet in pink. She just leapt up onto Barret's shoulders, calling him "Papa!". Yet more emotional evidence, in the absence of anything tangible, that Avalanche are the good guys. They have children on their side. Did Palpatine's Empire have children? Sauron's Orcs? I rest my case.

Avanlanche's secret base.
I use the pinball machine to activate a secret lift and head downstairs to the Avalanche base. The television is showing a Shinra broadcast. It looks like Avalanche's attack has had effects I hadn't anticipated, namely the loss of revenue and thus jobs for thousands of innocent civilians. Was it meant to do that? I ask Jessie.

Jessie in the Avalanche HQ.

Guess not. Still, it's not like I care. I'm Cloud! Cloud doesn't care about anything. Time to ask that no good Barret for my cut.

Barret cannot be a bad guy.

Oh, c'mon, really? You can't give my my hard earned money because you want to use it to pay for your kid's school? For heavens' sake, can't the moral ambiguity last an hour, at least?

Irritated, I head outside to chat to the locals.

Like... the millennium?

That's more like it. In Star Wars, you never hear about the poor blue-collar workers in the Death Star (or the builders in Return of the Jedi) who are just trying to make an honest day's living when Luke and his mop-haired buddies rock up to slaughter them. There is no moral ambiguity there. Rebels good, Empire bad, so let's just have a nice big explosion and head home.

Oops.

And who's going to foot the bill for that, eh? Shinra? Or their employees?

Some locals.

Feeling a bit guilty, I make my excuses and wander round the shacks in the Sector 7 slums. Sector 7 is mostly populated by salt-of-the-earth types with some tragic story to tell about their missing son/brother/husband/father. It's all a bit heavy for me, so I decide to spend some of Marlene's schoolin' money on some drugs and weapons.

"I'm sorry, I thought this was Waitrose." (a middle-class British joke, ladies and gentlemen.)

Ok, even the shop assistants are making me feel guilty. Screw this, I'm heading back to Avalanche. Maybe the brunette's still around.

"Childhood friend?"

She is, and she's well versed in the ancient Japanese art of exposition, it seems. Turns out we're childhood friends. She asks if I remember a promise I made a long time ago. Guess it's flashback time.

Tifa and Cloud as children.
Tifa recalls an occasion long, long ago, when she was just a teenager in the kind of foxy turquoise dress and matching heels it's probably really easy to come by in a slum. Apparently I once promised her that I'd rescue her if she was ever in a bind.

I say "I", but really Cloud did. I've been inconsistent across this entire playthrough, between first and third person. It's a video game, so maybe it's in first person. But it's also a third person game, and you control other characters during fights. I'm really not sure what the established academic convention is for talking about games in this way. I'm sticking with first person for now, and I won't be correcting earlier text because, you know, it's less authentic if I do that.

There is such a fine line between authenticity and unprofessionalism.

Just another Friday night at the Bricklayer's Arms.

I disappoint poor Tifa. Though whether it's because my humanity has been beaten out of me by Soldier or because I don't care for her remains to be seen.

I should say here that there are dialogue options that let you choose what you say to certain characters. Thus far, my cheerful state of mind has led me to be nice to everyone even though I'm not sure that's what Cloud would do, but that could get me in trouble later if Tifa and the flower girl know I've been being nice to both of them. Girls can be funny like that.

Anyway, Avalanche throw caution to the wind and decide to blow up the Mako reactor in Sector 5, so it's back on the train for us.

It's the District Line!

We get back on the train, and Barret gets into an argument with a besuited Shinra employee. He says only a truly dedicated worker would turn up the day after a terrorist attack and Barret takes it personally, which is a bit suspicious. Tifa, who's along for the ride this time, intervenes before things get too out of hand.

Red alert on the train.

Now Shinra, in true police-state fashion, have set up these automated I.D. checkpoints which scan the identification of all passengers. Remember what I said last week about civil liberties, or a lack thereof? Yeah.

Time for us to go!

Goin' underground...

Tifa, Barret and I jump off the train in time to avoid an I.D. check that might get in the way of our freedom fighting. Where will this tunnel take us? Will the attack on the Sector 5 reactor go according to plan? Will I ever meet the flower girl again? Will Barret turn out to be a bad guy even though he's got an adorable munchkin daughter who just wants to go to school?

Find out next time on the Well-Rendered Final Fantasy VII playthrough!

Francis "York" Morgan and other things I don't understand

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My latest Character Select is an examination of Deadly Premonition's Francis "York" Morgan through the prism of David Lynch. It's pretty spoiler-heavy, so if you haven't played the game and want to, I'd suggest not reading it until you do. For everyone else, here's what went through my mind as I wrote it.


My favourite part of writing the article was the research; I watched Mulholland Drive three times, every time looking at it from a different perspective, finding another potential meaning in its strange events. Before the Deadly Premonition article, I hadn't seen the film since I was a teenager, when I hated it. That was a time when I thought everything had to have an answer, that only lazy or incoherent writers failed to tie up all the loose ends in their narratives.

I still think that there are plenty of films (and novels, and television shows) that try to conceal their disorganisation with a "symbolic" ending, but Mulholland Drive is not one of them. Its impenetrability is part of its narrative, in which dreams and the subconscious are both intertwined with and inseparable from reality. Far from being an excuse for whimsical strangeness, the surrealist approach allows for a more authentic exploration of the way the mind creates its own realities than a more literal narrative would.

This blog post is written under the assumption that you've read the Character Select article, in which I explain that one interpretation of the film is that the first two hours are the dream of Diane, a character played by Naomi Watts, broken by an insurmountable combination of guilt and depression at the moment of dreaming. What I didn't take much time to explain in the article was that there are links between the "dream" (in which Diane recreates herself as the innocent, optimistic Betty) and the "reality" that don't quite make sense.


The main one is the fact that we see Diane waking from what appears to be the dream before (or apparently before) many of the real life events that seem like they inspire that dream. For example (spoiler alert!), the film ends with Diane shooting herself on her bed, yet in the dream, Betty finds Diane's body decaying in the exact same position. Even if you surmise that the dream is a hallucination that takes place in Diane's head at the moment of her death, that doesn't explain the fact that a series of conspiratorial telephone calls in the dream seem to end with a call to the phone that sits by Diane's dead body in real life.

Maybe, then, the film shows two sets of characters acting in parallel universes. Or perhaps the story is a Möbius strip in which a story with two sides continues on an endless loop in which they never meet, but continuously lead from and create the other.

Because of these endless possibilities, the film will never get old for me. I realised recently that many of my favourite things have this quality. Much as I love the intense satisfaction that comes from the denouement of a perfectly-crafted detective story, or a tale that's illuminated with a well-plotted twist, such things are ultimately finite in their appeal for me. Those stories are thrilling when you first see/read/play them and awe-inspiring when you go through them a second time and marvel at the narrative craftsmanship. After that however, all you can ever do is learn them off by heart.

Conversely, stories like Mulholland Drive have infinite possibilities. My favourite Bret Easton Ellis novels, American Psycho, Glamorama and Lunar Park, also posess this quality. In American Psycho, you never find out how much of the novel takes place in real life, and how much takes place in Patrick Bateman's head. Is there actually a difference between the two? Isn't such violence just as horrific in the mind as in reality? Patrick Bateman is a painstakingly constructed tissue of designer clothes, popular music and 1980s yuppie cultural touchstones, and he says himself at one point that without them, he simply doesn't exist. So what is the nature of violence by a creature who by his own admission "simply [is] not there"?


These questions are rhetorical, by the way, I think if you actually try and answer them, you're missing the point.

Bret Easton Ellis' Glamorama is the story of a male model who finds himself embroiled in an international conspiracy carried out by other models, the nature of which never becomes quite apparent. Lunar Park is the story ofan author called "Bret Easton Ellis" whose family is torn apart by supernatural phenomena. The Bret Easton Ellis who wrote the book isn't married, of course.

Speaking of Bret Easton Ellis, he once gave a talk that I attended where I asked him whether he watched The Hills. Fool! What a missed opportunity! A bit of reading before the event would have told me that of course he watches The Hills, and that by asking the question (which he answered by spending about 10 minutes talking about how much he loved it after shrugging off the five previous questions about "satire", "Barthes" and "the simulacra") I'd wasted the chance to ask him what he thought of Heidi Montag's plastic surgeries.

You think I'm kidding? No way. I'm fascinated by The Hills, perhaps the original "scripted reality" television show. Scripted reality is a monstrous genre in which real people have their lives filmed, but instead of documentary, which attempts to portray its subjects as they really are, scripted reality stages real life events, so that arguments between best friends are set up, for example. There's no doubt that in most cases the emotions we see on the faces of the subject (characters?) are real, but where do those emotions come from?

The Hills features a group of friends in Los Angeles, initally Lauren Conrad, Heidi Montag, Audrina Partridge and Whitney Port, who are unremarkable in many ways despite their beauty and wealth. The four go to work and date awful men, and the camera is always there when one of them breaks up, loses a job or has an argument. In the early series of the show, the cast are endearingly guileless, and it's impossible to separate the construct from the reality.


Later series rather lost their charm: hardworking "protagonist" Lauren Conrad and her sensible colleague Whitney left and were replaced by the rather more mercenary Kristen Cavallari whose well-documented ambitions as an actress tipped the show's balance firmly into the realms of fiction. At the same time, poor Heidi lost touch with reality to the extent where she spent all her wages not only on a failed pop career but on a deeply shocking amount of plastic surgery which turned her into a terrifying manifestation of Hollywood's worst excess. Her first meeting with her mother after the event was of course filmed for the show, but suddenly the manifestation of the L.A. dream seemed all too real. She and her husband are now reported to have run out of money and are living with his parents.

It's perhaps no co-incidence that Mulholland Drive and The Hills both use LA as a central, titular motif.

I find later series of The Hills (and indeed all the ghastly shows that came after it such as Keeping up with the Kardashians, Jersey Shore and Made in Chelsea) too cynical and unpleasant to enjoy. It's very clear which members of the cast (Kristen) are aware of the boundaries between fiction and reality and can use it to their advantage, and which (Heidi) mistake the two at their peril. In contrast, the early shows are iridescent in their strange blend of fantasy and reality, and though they don't have the symbolic power of Mulholland Drive, they're equally fascinating.

I'll leave you with my old friend Tori Amos singing "Cloud on my Tongue". It's a beautiful song which, like all her best songs, might be rich with truth, honesty and meaning but would be utterly dimished by literal lyrics. When I hear it I can't help but remember English classes at school, unpicking the threads of poetry and tying them neatly to a grid of meaning. As long as you kept your argument coherant, you got a good mark. Learning to analyse and develop an argument is a vital life skill, of course, but that's really no way to enjoy art because it leaves us unable to appreciate the things we can never fully understand.

And since there's very little in life that we can ever fully understand, that's a dangerous place to be.

Final Fantasy VII Playthrough: Part 3 - Attacking the Second Reactor

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First, a recap.

"Hell Bubbles"?
 
Cloud (a mercenary), Barret (a terrorist) and Tifa (a woman), are on their way to blow up the Sector 5 Mako reactor. Mako is a powerful energy source being used by Shinra, a large and most likely malevolent corporation, to provide the planet's energy and make lots of money. According to Barret, their activities are putting the planet in huge danger, and so he and his band of fellow environmentalists, AVALANCHE, decide to blow up Shinra's reactors.

After the first successful attack, on Sector 7, the gang headed back to the slums beneath the reactor, at which point the player learns of the moral ambiguity present in the situation, namely that the violent attack affects the livelihoods of many innocent citizens. However, all of the AVALANCHE members are really earnest and Barret loves his daughter, so at least we identify with them. Plus, the plucky rebels are always the good guys.

Back in Sector 5. This is the first time we've been out on an expedition with Tifa whom we met last time but whose naming screen I forgot to include. Here it is:

Tifa has really well-conditioned hair.

The journey from the train track (where the trio found themselves after leaping from a train to avoid an I.D. checkpoint) is not without incident. Cloud and friends are attacked by a selection of mutant worms and sentient machine guns. Most exciting is Tifa's "winning" animation.

Like all athletes, Tifa knows the value of cool-down stretches.
Now, I know all the characters have to have exaggerated physical characteristics in order to appear distinct at the low resolution, and Tifa doesn't look any sillier than Lara Croft did in the same year (1997), but the boob tube and braces look just doesn't convince me. This girl runs a bar in the slums, does some kind of kung fu and babysits Barret's daughter. I don't think her outfit is a sensible choice for any of those activities. And isn't it cold in the slums?

Never mind. This is Final Fantasy, after all.

That's her hair, not a tail.
I'm trying to document all the achievements I get in the game, which could get tedious. Never mind! Tifa's "Limit" is like a fruit machine that requires you to match symbols in order to perform an attack. The better the selection you match, the more powerful the limit. However, this first limit, "Beat Rush", only has the one wheel, so you don't actually have to match any symbols, just stop the wheel on the best one.

I've heard that before!

The trio move deeper into the reactor, coming across a hole in the floor that minds me of the garbage chute in the detention centre in the first Star Wars. Sadly, Harrison Ford is not at the bottom.

The "industrial" look was cool in the '90s.

Climbing ensues. We emerge outside the Sector 5 reactor, which looks a lot like the Sector 7 reactor except for the blue lighting. Good re-use of environments there, Square.

Cloud slides down a pipe. Pretty hard to tell in a screenshot, it's not like his hair moves in the wind or anything.

I have to say, the blue lighting actually makes the reactor look a lot more sinister than Sector 7's browns.

This is how mouthwash is made.
We head deeper into the facility, eventually emerging at the place where we need to trigger the bomb. Except when we get there, it's flashback time.

Nice hat, Tifa.
In Cloud's flashback, or hallucination, we see a young Tifa in a very fetching cowboy hat mourning what seems to be the death of her father. She seems to be blaming it on Shina, but before we can ask her about it, the flashback ends.

Wonder what happens if we turn that wheel?

It's the moment of truth. Time to blow up another of Shinra's reactors, thus eroding a little more of their tyrannical hold on the planet's resources. What could go wrong?

Are those pecs? On a robot?

Oh, fiddlesticks.

We're back in the lift.

After defeating the strange chesty robots, it's back in an elevator to make our escape. I'm very confused, however, about the Pi symol there. This is a lift. The only numbers you tend to see lit up on the interiors of lifts are numbers that indicate the floor. So we're on floor 3.14159....?

No wonder it was such a faff getting here.

Damn you, Jessie.

Now, this sequence is awful. Cloud, Tifa and Barret each have to press their button on the console in front of them at the same time in order to open the door to the next area. You only control Cloud, but all three characters push the button in the most ridiculously convoluted way, swinging their super deformed arms back as far as they go, then up in the air and finally down on the button. Pressing the correct key on the keyboard triggers the initiation of Cloud's button pushing dance, but you have to guess when Tifa and Barret are beginning theirs because by the time you see them move, it's too late to push the button.

It requires guesswork, not logic, and the animation is utterly silly. It took me about three minutes to get the timing right, possibly because I could not see through my tears of rage.

I love the perspective in this shot.

Finally, we open the door, and thus begins a brief flight across Shinra's catwalks.

Thanks, Exposition Monitor!

It's brief because we're soon accosted by President Shina. Turns out it was a trap, and our bomb didn't work properly. Before he leaves in his little helicopter, he makes sure to tell us about the mysterious Sephiroth.

Can one ever be "too brilliant"? I guess we'll find out later. Right now, we have more pressing concerns.

Lame.

This boss fight actually turns out to be quite good fun. The robot can only attack if you're in front of him, so you have to time your attacks and healing spells to co-incide with the direction he's facing in. Because he's electronic, he's vulnerable to "Bolt", Cloud's lightening spell.

Is that an intake vent above his head? How fast does he go?

Although it looks like he's about to attack there, the lightening means he's succumbed to "bolt" and it's time for us to scarper. But nothing ever goes as planned when you're a mercenary eco-terrorist vigilante bastard with silly hair.

So... many... Star Wars... parallels...

The robot explodes, leaving Cloud dangling above Midgar. Remember that screenshot of him on the catwalk earlier? Remember how small the buildings were? Mm.

His hair looks like bunny ears.

The 1997 graphics do not allow Tifa's face to fully express her dismay.

Barret shows Tifa why he can never find gloves that fit.

A gas canister explodes and Cloud loses his grip on the catwalk. Tifa sinks to the floor, devastated.

Now, remember how high up we're meant to be right now?

It's like that bit in Cloud City, in The Empire Strikes Back. CLOUD City. See what I did there.

Cloud plummets to the ground. Given that the game has only been going for two hours, it seems unlikely that he will die, even though the laws of physics would suggest otherwise.

The Nativity, as directed by David Lynch.

Well, it seems like he's found a soft landing in a patch of flowers, of which more later. First, a note on the architecture.

Now, I've always found the western medieval influence in a lot of Japanese games quite interesting. A lot of the time the architecture or costume crops up in JRPGs as a fairly straightforward fantasy setting, which always seems a bit odd because it's often done about as well as western depictions of Japenese settings in pop culture, i.e. not very. I think the reason it often doesn't work is that fantasy as we know it emerged in the 20th century when medieval things were already ancient, and steeped in centuries of history and context. Consequently, western use of those settings makes use of that.

Take Oblivion, which plonks medieval castles in the middle of what looks like the South Downs. This works because it makes them filthy and populates them with hairy blokes in leather armour who talk about ancient dynasties. A lot of JRPGs(and this may be a buget, rather than a cultural thing)end up making them too flat and clean, like Tales of Graces f, which was pretty enough but had sterile, textureless medieval castles that seemed devoid of any life, past or present. It's true that plenty of western games make medieval settings rubbish, but that's generally through lack of imagination than anything else, the environments at least seem believable.

One of the few games I can think of that's executed this kind of setting really well is Dark Souls. Of course, though that's a Japanese Role Playing Game, it's not a JRPG, but it does take a very Western dark fantasy aesthetic and make it incredibly rich and strangely believable. This is because the creatures it populates its dank castles with are so utterly bizarre that within the context of the game, you feel they could only possibly have ended up there by a long, slow, natural evolution. Like anglerfish.

I think Final Fantasy VII makes the church and the stained glass window work here. It pulls it off because the fiction of the entire world is rich and believable. Why is there a Catholic church in the middle of this dystopian slum? Why not! We've already had magic, giant robots, eco-terrorists and "Hell Bubbles", so we're rather at the stage where anything goes. Like London, for example, where Tudor castles rub shoulders with skyscrapers, hippie art markets and the Disney Store.

I'm over-simplifying, of course, but I do think a large part of making an imaginary world believable is a sense of history, a solid backstory. Fantasy worlds work best when they have a rich fictional history to draw on. For all its faults The Lord of theRings is the perfect example. You never read that and think "whatever, the elves would never give the men the time of day" because Tolkien had already spent ages thinking about the shared history of the two races. That bleeds into every page, and you never question it. Final Fantasy VII's backstory isn't so long or involved, but later events in the game only make sense in the context of the world's lengthy history, and it's the juxtaposition of seemingly incongruous elements early on that give us the idea that this is a world with a long, chequered story behind it so sit back: all will be explained.

That's what the church made me think of, anyway.

There's Something About Mary was released the year after this game. Just sayin'.
Some versions of the game (I think the U.S. version) call her "Aerith". Why they have two slightly different versions of the name, I do not know.

But just as we're about to ask who she is, why she's growing flowers in the church or whether either of her parents had a lisp, we're accosted by some guy with a rattail.

I'd recognise that haircut anywhere!

But before things can get ugly, I realise that it's been a very tiring few days and that I should go to bed and read Vanity Fair. Yes, I'm reading Vanity Fair. Given that it took me about a year to plough through Middlemarch (taking the odd break to read House of Leaves), it's hard to predict which I'll finish first, Vanity Fair or Final Fantasy VII.

I quite like the idea of George Osbourne as a giant robot.


Postcards from Spira

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It's not been the easiest of weeks over at Well-Rendered Towers. I've been dealing with it by thinking a lot about Final Fantasy. Not playing it, you understand, just reading things people have written about it. Most notably Final Fantasy and Philosophy: The Ultimate Walkthrough, edited by Jason P. Blahuta and Michel S. Beulieu. It's a collection of essays that, as the title suggests, discuss the philosophical questions raised by the games.

During my reading I've realised that there's a lot more to Final Fantasy than even a legendary overthinker such as myself ever really gave it credit for, that I've missed reading academic criticism and that Auron was probably my first video game crush.

Tidus marvels at Auron's pin-up potential.
More Final Fantasy writing to come in the form of the Final Fantasy VII playthrough but in the meantime, here's the incredible Random (Mega Ran) with "AVALANCHE" from his brilliant Black Materia album, in which he remixes the Final Fantasy VII soundtrack and beings the narrative to life with deft, witty rap.

A year in games, books, gigs and other things: 2012

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All around the internet, proper gaming sites are compiling their "Game of the Year" lists, thoughtful and informative summaries of the technological and artistic achievements that took place within the industry in 2012. You won't find any of that here because besides the games I reviewed for GodisaGeek (a handful of slightly underwhelming JRPGs and Dear Esther, which is barely even a game), I haven't actually played any games released this year.

Dear Esther. A game. Kind of.

This is partly for economic reasons: game commentary tends to level out after about a year, so it becomes easier to separate hype from considered analysis. It's also easier to determine whether the criticism a game receives is of an aspect that you personally are able to forgive, and thus whether it is worth your time and money. Many people do this, which is why two games that slipped under the radar when they were released in 2010 (Vanquish and my beloved Deadly Premonition) emerged as sleeper hits towards the end of this year.

However, the main reason I didn't play many games that were released this year is that I just wasn't that excited about them.There are three, namely Dishonored, Fez and Journey, that I am intrigued by but haven't got round to playing yet, and one, The Walking Dead, which I'm working my way through now with damp eyes and soiled underthings, but besides that not much has grabbed me.

It has been a quiet year in the industry. Publishers are gearing up for next year's last hurrah before the new generation. This means that while we've seen entries into several big franchises such as Halo, Far Cry, Mass Effect, Assassin's Creed, Call of Duty and Borderlands (yawn; looks good but probably won't play it; will get round to it eventually; not before I've played all the Renaissance ones; "this really is a game for absolute cretins" and meh, respectively), a lot of publishers seem to be saving the big guns and the new IP for next year.

Ellen Page can barely contain her excitement about 2013's upcoming games.

This is probably because the games released at the tail end of a generation tend to have "legs" since those gamers (such as myself) who are not and never will be early adopters like to have a good selection of games to keep them going while they wait for the new consoles to come down in price.

Probably because of this, 2012 was a pretty good year for indie and downloadable games. Alongside the aforementioned Fez, Journey, Dear Esther and The Walking Dead, we've had insane things like Super Hexagon, Hotline Miami and Peter Molyneux' latest opus, Curiosity - What's Inside the Cube?. Like Dear Esther, this is more an experiment than a game, interesting in the way early Damien Hirst (not the bankrupt later stuff) was without ever being anything you'd ever want on your wall. Perhaps if there had been more large-scale releases this year, these projects wouldn't have received the well-deserved critical attention they did.

Before I get down to the review of this Well-Rendered year, I'm quite proud of the fact that this time, alongside the usual apology, I actually have an excuse for not updating for ages. Yes, the power supply on my PC (on which I have been playing Final Fantasy VII and taking all the screenshots) has had too much sherry, and I am awaiting the delivery of a new one. Non-UK residents: our postal service struggles to cope at the best of times, but the combination of Christmas demands and non-stop rain over the last couple of weeks has resulted in Well-Rendered Towers receiving no mail other than The Economist - those guys never give up - and some flyers from a really persistent pizza delivery company.

Things that will survive the zombie apocalypse: The Economist, pizza menus.

Books read:

Two monsters: Middlemarch and House of Leaves. Middlemarch is George Eliot's long and complex tale of frustration and quiet social revolution in a nineteenth-century English village and House of Leaves is Mark Z. Danielewski's experimental satire on academic criticism that's also a horror novel. Both are outstanding, but Middlemarch is easier to read on the bus.

I also got half way through Game of Thrones, which is well-structured but a bit weak in places. Just as I can put up with poor gameplay for an incredible plot (see: Deadly Premonition), I can forgive an awful lot in a book with brilliant dialogue and believable characters. Game of Thrones has pretty good characters and passable dialogue, but there are some things which irk me. For example, in the first 300 pages, I've read the phrase "her hair had been brushed until it shone" four times, which is three too many. I feel a sub-editor should have picked up on that. Maybe I'll pick it up again later.

The book that had the biggest impact on me has undoubtedly been The Wasp Factory, Iain Bank's weird tale of a disturbed youth on a Hebridean island. It is unpleasant in almost all ways but structurally brilliant, an alternative detective story in the manner of Jane Austen's Emma. I like Iain Banks (or "Iain M. Banks", as he's known when he's writing sci-fi, one of the least cryptic pseudonyms ever), even at its darkest his writing is good-natured and forgiving. There's such a solid core to it that I can forgive the dodgy dialogue. This is saying a lot, I'm very picky about dialogue. If you have the stomach, you must read it.


A. S. Byatt's Possession was the last book I finished that warrants a mention, and I've already discussed it here.

Gigs attended:

Faith No More and Ben Folds Five were both shows by great musicians playing great music. In contrast, Devin Townsend's Retinal Circus, a conceptual gig in London's Roundhouse, was a victim of its own misplaced ambition. Devin Townsend is a fantastic musician and performer, but Retinal Circus' unnecessary narrative about a man reaching enlightenment obscured his incredible performance and diminished the entire show.

Here's why:

1 - Devin's lyrics are expressive, not explanatory. They are powerful and instinctive at best, incoherent and random at worst. In an album, they form an emotional arc, in "normal" concerts they are powerful incantations, but they cannot carry a narrative.

2 - At a musical, you want to be able to ignore the people around you and concentrate on the stage. At a gig, you can't and shouldn't. Those who choose to move forward do so not just to be closer to their idol but to be at the centre of a crowd, in communion with a sea of others who care about the music just as much as they do. Their vision is obscured by hundreds of heads, everyone is covered in sweat and thousands of singing voices mask the nuances of the music. But while these things would destroy one's enjoyment of a musical, they're what make rock gigs magical. And they're why the kind of music that works for one doesn't really work for the other.

3 - Since this was one of Devin's biggest gigs, a lot of songs which made no sense in the context of the story but had to be included because everyone wanted to hear them.

4 - The flipside of the above: some of Devin's less good tracks were included just because they fit the story. See "Baby Song" and "Lucky Animals", whose inclusion warranted about twenty people shimmying around the stage in animal onesies. Cringe.

5 - Devin's last foray into narrative was "Ziltoid the Omniscient", a sort of comedy prog opera starring a coffee-obsessed alien called Ziltoid. Ziltoid (who looks like The Great Gonzo's uglier cousin) looks great on a T-shirt, which means he became a fan favourite very quickly, so he made a lot of appearances in The Retinal Circus. This annoyed me for the same reason that bad celebrity voiceovers annoy me: it took me out of the world of the Retinal Circus, and back into the real world where everyone has a Ziltoid coffee mug. Guest spots always destroy the fiction.

Ziltoid the Omniscient.

6 - In order to explain what was going on, the disembodied head of Steve Vai kept popping up above the stage. Steve Vai's pretty cool and if I was going to choose anyone to be an omniscient narrator it would be him, but his constant appearances stopped it feeling like a gig. Just as you were getting into the music, the song would end and Steve Vai would appear. While he talked, the all-important adrenaline that keeps an audience enraptured slowly dripped away, meaning people took that bit longer to get into each new song.

7 - The sound sync was broken, so Steve Vai spoke about five seconds before he moved his lips. No-one's fault, but it just goes to show that the more you try and do, the more tends to go wrong.

8 - There was no focal point on stage. In a musical, you watch the action. In an orchestra, you watch the different musicians as you would the intricately moving parts of a machine. In a (normal) rock gig, you do the same, though your focus is generally on the singer. Devin's an incredible performer, he has a huge amount of charisma and he's a brilliant vocalist and musician but at the Retinal Circus he was just one of many competing focal points on stage at any one time. Trippy visuals were bubbling across the screens, dancers were bouncing around the musicians and at one point, actors in shiny leotards were pulling a large papier mache alien foetus out of a seven foot high green vagina on the mezzanine above Devin while he churned out the forgettable "Baby Song" (see 4, above). Visually, the whole thing was an incoherent mess.

Sigh.

Musically, it was still a great gig, but I would have enjoyed it so much more if Devin had just played the songs. When I compare it to Ben Folds Five coming on stage in jeans and just playing music for two hours (or indeed to any of Devin's other gigs), The Retinal Circus looks flaky and unsure of itself, like a pretty girl wearing far too much makeup.

A couple of months later I saw the aforementioned Steve Vai, who is a man who needs to talk less and play more. During a three hour set (support acts are for wussies, apparently), he changed his clothes three times and told multiple anecdotes, one of which lasted fifteen minutes and recalled a time when he went for a walk and saw the moon and realised that the things that we feel and the things that we think are like, connected, man.

I also managed to see Tori Amos again in one of her most magnificent performances. It was so good, in fact, that I'm quite sad that we may never see its like again: she performed with the Metropole Orchestra, who are currently under threat. It's uncertain if they'll survive (though you can help) or if they or another orchestra will ever ask to play with her again.

Picture taken from Drowned in Sound, more here.

Tori is classically trained, but she's not a concert pianist. Even when she has a band with her, the musicians she chooses are those who are able to keep up with her as she takes the lead. It was strange to see someone else (conductor Jules Buckley) in control of the proceedings, and while there was the odd moment when she seemed unsure, for the most part the performance was incandescent. The arrangements shone new light on well-known songs, revealing their depth and complexity and... well, that's quite enough of that.

Films watched:

All the "proper" Bond films. That means no Never Say Never Again or Casino Royale starring David Niven. Everyone has their own "Bond lists", here are mine...

Top five films (controversy alert!):
  1. Dr. No - All the Connery films with the exception of the creepy Diamonds are Forever would make worthy number ones, but this is my favourite.
  2. Skyfall - It's not too early to callthis one, which managed to acknowledge and comment upon all that is both great and troubling about the series while still managing to be the kind of wildly entertaining bank holiday thrill ride that a Bond film really needs to be.
  3. The World is Not Enough- I have a soft spot for this one because it contains Desmond Llewelyn's poignant final turn as Q. It's also the only film where a Bond girl actually turns out to be the main villain. The other Bond girl, Denise Richards is a nuclear physicist in hot pants whose name, "Dr. Christmas Jones", provides the best line in any film ever: "I thought Christmas only came once a year!"
  4. A View to a Kill - Grace Jones. Christopher Walken. Duran Duran. The Golden Gate Bridge. If you ignore the fact that Roger Moore is also about 400 years older than Tanya Roberts, it's sort of a period classic.
  5. The Living Daylights - Timothy Dalton is kind of like the Milk Tray Man but The Living Daylights is special because other than Felix's hit-and-miss appearances, it marks the only occasion in which Bond has a significant relationship with another man. This is an underexplored aspect of Bond's character, and it's done beautifully here. The climax features a fight out of the back of a moving plane over the desert, which Uncharted 3 homages to great effect.
I know Goldfinger, From Russia with Love, Goldeneye and of course Casino Royale are almost unarguably better than most of the films of this list, but who cares?

This lady was complaining about how hard it is to find a real man...

Top five Bonds:
  1. Sean Connery
  2. Daniel Craig
  3. Pierce Brosnan
  4. Timothy Dalton
  5. Roger Moore
If anyone's least favourite Bond is not George Lazenby, please explain why.

Top five Bond girls:
  1. Vesper Lynd
  2. Honey Ryder
  3. May Day
  4. Pussy Galore
  5. Elektra King 
The Eva Green version of Vesper, of course. Honey Ryder is pretty much the ultimate Bond girl, May Day is otherworldly and unsettling, Pussy Galore is the first "Bond woman", something we didn't really see again until Maud Adams in Octopussy and Elektra is the only one who also manages to be a proper villain. She's also the best-dressed Bond girl, which is very important.

Vesper. Swoon.

Themes:
  1. You Only Live Twice
  2. Skyfall
  3. Live and Let Die
  4. A View to a Kill
  5. Goldfinger
Not many surprises here, except perhaps the order.

My other observations after watching the entire series are as follows:
  • You really need to watch Quantum of Solace directly after Casino Royale, or it makes no sense. 
  • Quantum has a dreadful theme, but one of the best animations - ladies shifting around under desert sands - to go with it.
  • Goldeneye was quite groundbreaking when it came out, mainly because of Judi Dench being cast as M, but the plot now looks ridiculous because it relies upon the audience not understanding anything about computers at all. 
  • Diamonds are Forever has a really ghastly pair of villains, who are apparently creepy because they are gay. "It's the 60s!" does not make this any better.
  • Sean Connery hits women a LOT.
  • Most of the Roger Moore films blend into each other. For Your Eyes Only is definitely the worst offender, though it's almost saved by a cool underwater sequence and Topol. 
  • Die Another Day does not improve with time, it really is terrible. The theme, bleeped out by Madonna and some drunk record producer, is absolutely dire and things go downhill from there.
  • Joanna Lumley lives in the creepy brainwashing ski lodge in On Her Majesty's Secret Service.
  • Bond is a terrible spy. There are so many times when he could just get the job done but he just ends up having sex instead and lots of government property always ends up getting destroyed as a result.


Despite the many low points, I haven't had so much fun watching films in years, and given the 50 year anniversary, the Olympics and Skyfall's release, this was a very good time to watch them.

Games played:

Tomb Raider II, IV, VII, VIII and IX. Final Fantasy VII. Uncharted 1-3. Catherine. Batman: Arkham City. Limbo. The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings. Gears of War.

Most anticipated game of 2013:

Lots! Tomb Raider, BioShock Infinite, Grand Theft Auto V, Beyond: Two Souls, Watch Dogs and The Last of Us.

I am genuinely thrilled about every game on that list, and half of them are new IPs, not sequels or reboots. This is brilliant news, and gives me every reason to be excited for the future. Maybe I'll even play some games this year!

Happy 2013 everybody!

BioShock Infinite. Bring it on, games industry!

Character Select: Wakka

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My power supply arrived, my computer is working! Hurrah!

I'm not going to go through the backlog of Final Fantasy VII screenshots tonight, so to tide you over, here's my latest "Character Select" article from GodisaGeek.

Wakka and his Blitzball team, the Besaid Aurochs.

It's about Final Fantasy X's Wakka, who is a long, long term favourite of Well-Rendered. The article is about the abuse of power, which should make for cheerful Monday night reading for you all.

Final Fantasy VII Playthrough: Part 4 - Flight from the Church

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It's been several weeks, a failed power supply, many pints of brandy and all the Bond films since we last saw Cloud and Aeris.

If you've only just tuned into Well-Rendered, welcome! This is how we do things here. You run a Google images search for "final fantasy aeris church screenshot" and end up here, I write reams of metafictional prose, you stick around because you're an incorrigible voyeur on a lunch break. So long as we pretend we don't know each other when we meet on the Soho streets at 3am (seriously Mum, it's like the last days of Rome out there), it's all good.

Anyway. To recap, Cloud had fallen through the roof of Aeris' church and crushed her flowers. I like how Aeris is neither too afraid of Cloud to demand he pay her for the flowers he crushed nor so overwhelmed by his good looks (I'm just assuming he's good-looking, it's hard to tell with so few pixels at play) that she just lets him off.

Before the flower scenario can get too political, some pony tailed dudes arrive and start chasing our heroes up the stairs.

Cloud and Aeris eye up a handy barrel.

Cloud and Aeris then decide to break the fourth wall and make reference to the fact they're in a video game by throwing barrels at their pursuers, like Donkey Kong throws barrels at Jumpman, later Mario, in the original 1981 arcade game Donkey Kong.


Having evaded the mysterious pony tailed thugs, the pair make their way up into the rafters of the church, from which we can see the flower bed that broke Cloud's fall after the botched AVALANCE attack on the Sector 5 reactor.


Cloud and Aeris escape the church through the hole that Cloud made when he fell through the roof.

I think this entire sequence is actually one of the best in the game, from a graphical perspective. The pre-rendered environments give the designers a huge amount of freedom in regard to how they frame the scenes enabling them to use the lighting that gives the church a sense of scale and majesty. They'd never have been able to do that with in-engine environments and despite being slightly more immersive, the entire game would have suffered.

Then again...


Now, many video game buildings are larger on the inside than they are on the outside, particularly in free-roaming games. The villages in Skyrim feature tiny cottages barely taller than their inhabitants, but enter any one of them and you'll find yourself in a palatial dwelling with a ceiling several feet above your head. This is done for pratical reasons; the interiors can't be smaller or you couldn't explore them and the exteriors couldn't be bigger or rendering the map would slow the game to a crawl. Fair play.

But this exterior shot of the church seems like a mis-step. I guess it's because they wanted to show the entire chuch in one interactive shot, and the character models would be too small if they showed them to scale. But while the last shot we had Cloud and Aeris in the rafters of a vast, ancient building, here we have them squatting on top of a technicolour Wendy house.

Never mind. Onwards!


They make their way through the Midgar slums, clambering over all manner of rubble. What buildings did those columns once support? We may never know.


Cloud stares out at the huge plate that hides the sky from everyone in the slums. This is dystopia on a really large scale.

I only hope that when we inevitably get out into the beautiful wilderness, we remember the grimy monoliths of Midgar and remember what we're fighting for.


The two of them slide down a pile of refuse at the entrance to the Secotor 7 slums. It looks like Cloud's going to take Aeris back to meet Tifa, Barret and the rest of AVALANCHE, but you're going to have to wait until next time to find out what happens. I promise it won't take another three months...

Best. Comeback. Ever.

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Now, I dislike the music of James Blunt as much as the next person with ears, but his reply to a Tweet yesterday was so brilliant that I feel the need to share it with you.


Touché. Sort of.


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